


Bitter Lemon

by OhNoMyBreadsticks



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Crying, Gavin Reed Needs a Hug, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Relationship(s), Recovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Songfic, breaking up, referenced past injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27211009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhNoMyBreadsticks/pseuds/OhNoMyBreadsticks
Summary: Sometimes, things just end. But what happens to the people left behind when it's over?Gavin can't just move on, not when everything that's happened has left an indelible stain on his heart - both for better and worse.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41
Collections: Quiet Life Bingo Fills





	Bitter Lemon

**Author's Note:**

> Ayyy it's my very first songfic! Not that I haven't based previous fics off of songs or used titles, but I've never just fully committed and put the lyrics right in there! So here's my shot at doing just that C:
> 
> It's also a bit of a departure in that it's quite a bit gloomier than my usual fare lmao, but sometimes a gal just wants to write something sad! When I first started this little bingo event the idea for a Gavin/Nines breakup fic installed itself into my head rent free pretty much, and I just had to write it XD Unsurprisingly, this is my fill for the 'breakup' square!
> 
> Lyrics taken from the song ['Lemon'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SX_ViT4Ra7k) by Kenshi Yonezu, one of my absolute favorite artists, and English translation from [vgperson](https://vgperson.com/lyrics.php), who is always my go-to source for the best quality translations.

_ How good would it be if this were a dream? _

_ Even now, I do dream about you _

Gavin wakes with a gasp, jolted out of the nightmare by some kind twist of fate. He rolls to his side, hands instinctively reaching towards the other side of the bed and finding nothing but cold comforter and empty sheets. Another gasp wrenches its way out of his chest, but this one sounds more like a sob. He forgets every night that when he goes to bed alone, that’s the way he’ll wake up. That the reality of the past three months won’t somehow melt away as he sleeps, and he’ll open his eyes to a softer reality.

_ There's some happiness that won't return; _

_ That's what you taught me in the end _

He lies there, curled on his side, until his breathing returns to something closer to normal, chest rising and falling slowly now. He cracks his eyes open to see the view of the empty bed next to him, forcing himself to face the pain head on instead of pretending it isn’t there. The first few weeks he had refused to even look at Nines’ side of the bed, as if not looking at it would mean it wasn’t empty - abandoned. Just like him.

_ The gloomy past that I never spoke of, _

_ Without you, would have remained gloomy forever _

There’s no sense in trying to fall back asleep now, so Gavin forces himself to sit up, stretching and feeling his joints snap and crack into place, settling into a dull ache. He should start doing his exercises again, but he doesn’t think he can manage it without someone encouraging him. He survived before without them, he’s sure he’ll survive again, right? He hangs his head as the guilt over giving up washes over him, and decides that maybe he’ll try tomorrow. 

Shuffling into the kitchen, Gavin thinks to himself how before, he would never have thought to get up like this and drink some water when he was feeling miserable. How instead of whimpering into the darkness as he ‘toughed it out’, he can open his cabinet now and find pain medication and melatonin pills instead, things that will actually help him. Nines had been so gentle with helping him take little steps that wouldn’t be overwhelming - things he could actually do instead of big things that would theoretically help but were too overwhelming to even think of trying.

Without Nines, he never would have known to stand in the dark and let his sadness wash over and through him, instead of trying to bottle it up. Gavin takes deep breaths, counting to five in his head through each one, and eventually finds the strength to fill his glass with more water and step out of the kitchen. The living room is dark too, but illuminated by the glow of the streetlights and of the moon from the window whose curtains he’d forgotten to close. He never was good at remembering all the little things.

_ In the darkness, I traced your back; _

_ I still distinctly remember its outline _

Glancing towards the couch, Gavin almost expects to see Nines there instead, as if he’s been transported back to the beginning of their...partnership? Relationship certainly hadn’t been the right word for how they had started, Nines sitting still and silent on the sofa after dragging his newly assigned partner home in the midst of a flare-up, no doubt wondering what kind of fuck up he had gotten saddled with. There were better memories on that sofa, later, where Gavin remembers memorizing the curves and angles of Nines’ body, tracing unhurried fingers across bare skin. Intimacy without pressure, just  _ existing  _ together, another thing that Nines had so effortlessly introduced him to.

_ What were you doing? What were you looking at? _

_ With a side of your face unknown to me… _

Gavin sits down on the floor in a beam of dim moonlight, and looks up at the top of the TV stand, where the pictures of the two of them used to sit. He can’t bear to look at them, not after losing Nines so suddenly, so he’d packed them away and stuffed the box somewhere in the closet. The whole thing had been sudden, at least to Gavin. Who knew what had been going through that perfect head of Nines’, where things like logic and reality actually meshed and worked together. 

Of course he should have taken the promotion to work at the FBI. Of course he deserved it, more than anything. Of course Gavin was ecstatic for him.

Of course long distance wouldn’t work.

They had parted ways as...friends? Lovers who had simply run out of time? There was no fight, no great hurt for Gavin to hold onto vindictively, no argument and slamming of doors. Simply a few days that passed like clouds buffeted across a clear sky, gone without a sound along with Gavin’s whole heart, ripped out as he waved goodbye to a taxi that disappeared long after his tears began.

_ Wherever you are now, if you're like I am, _

_ Wet with tears, in the midst of lonesomeness, _

He’s crying again now, caught in the grip of that all too familiar hurt of being left behind that has now transformed into something new and sharp that cuts into his chest. Gavin curls in on himself, the glass of water forgotten on the floor nearby as tears drip down his chin and onto trembling hands. He tries not to let the questions flood his mind - Was I not enough? Was I too much? Could it have worked if I was better? - but they echo there despite his best efforts. He wonders now, like he does often on nights like these, if Nines misses him. God, he hopes not.

_ I ask that you please just forget about me _

_ Such that I wish that from the bottom of my heart, _

_ Even now, you are my light… _

Because even now, left behind and fighting to keep his head above water, Gavin can’t hate Nines. He can’t wish pain upon someone who brought so much love and warmth and growth into his life. No matter how they parted, Nines still lives here, in this apartment and in Gavin. He’s there in the little comforts littered throughout the kitchen, he’s there in the physical therapy bands tucked away in the closet, and it’s his voice that cuts through the negative thoughts in Gavin’s head, reminding him that there’s no sense in dwelling on the past when he has so much to fight for in the future.

_ Inseparable from my heart, the scent of a bitter lemon _

_ Until the rain stops falling, I can't return; _

_ Like one half of a fruit sliced in two, _

Gavin lets himself cry until the tears dry up, wipes his face on the hem of his t-shirt, and staggers to his feet. He thinks he can sleep now, because if he doesn’t he’ll be completely unprepared for work the next morning. And work is important, because others depend on him to show up and do his part. He has to do his part, he reminds himself, because Nines isn’t there to do it any more. Feeling at least like he can face one more day, Gavin crawls under the blankets and lets his eyes slip closed.

In the dark, his phone lights up with a message, but Gavin is already too far asleep to notice.

_ Even now, you are my light... _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this slightly strange offering! I couldn't resist a bit of an ambiguous ending, so I will leave it up to you dear reader to interpret what it means ;)
> 
> I'm also available on [tumblr](https://ohnomybreadsticks.tumblr.com/) if you ever feel like chatting or reading some of my lil drabbles, I’d love to see you there C:


End file.
